I know it’s been a shitty weekend. Posting pretty pictures, sharing a place to shop or whatever I would normally post seems … awkward. You may know that I taught first grade. Friday morning, at 9:30, I was volunteering at a community day care. I was in charge of reading the story. I read to a group of four-year old children after corralling different class groups of one, two and three-year olds. They held my hand and were honest and funny. They were full of wonder and hope – everything that I treasured when I taught. I hadn’t expected it, but I felt a tug of pain for missing my children.
Then, I went into the office and was asked “Did you hear?!” I couldn’t take it in. I focused on getting caught up on missed work. The Mister called me later in the afternoon and simply said, “I know you’re thinking of your kids.” My kids. I taught beautiful first grade children like the ones that were taken. It takes my breath away to think of my classroom if it were in that school. I vigilantly protected my children from everything I could – older students, bad attitudes, irritable co-workers and angered parents. I
asked told more than one person to “remove yourself from our room.” There are terrifying and awful stories about Friday but I find the stories of the teachers make me proud. They make me sad – don’t misunderstand – they are deeply upsetting. However, I feel some type of connection with them.
As this week begins, I will no doubt be bombarded with news coverage and talk about Sandy Hook. I will feel torn between wanting to splash around in the sorrow and the knowledge that I am not helping anyone with absorbing details. I hope to remind myself to be a prism of good and peace – that I need to send out good vibrations to our collective consciousness. I will be spending more time in prayer and meditation. I will acknowledge my own fears and unsettled worries but work on releasing them. I encourage you to read more hippie love here.
Peace and Grace,